Back With a Challenger

I have fallen hard off of the weight loss wagon, and looking back over some of the posts here depress me greatly. Here is a super update for all of you that are still subscribed and curious about loosing weight.

Binge Eating

I was a secret binge eater. I would walk to the store, buy tons of junk food and hide it around the house so that my wife wouldn’t find it. Then, while working from home, I would tell myself that I need the extra energy to get through my long days and would consume thousands of calories in junk food, which would leave me feeling depressed, and I’d usually just finish off whatever was around.

The worst part of this was that I would cover up the fact that I was doing this by eating regular meals with my wife. She would buy a bag of chips for us to share, and rather than saying “no”, I would consume around an equal share of whatever she would take. Thus, I wasn’t only getting a huge number of calories from my binge eating, but I was trying to hide it through eating regularly.

At first, I would leave bottles or chip bags in places I knew she would find them, in hopes that she would really take me to task and help me with this issue, but short of taking my wallet away whenever she left home, there was no way for her to help me.

Instead of getting mad at me for eating the junk food, she got angry over the fact that I was hiding it through the house.

I continued to hide food around the house, eating it whenever she left. Four packs of chocolate bars, a few cans of Coke, all the while telling myself that I needed it to stay focused, energized, and get all of my work done.

If I ran out of junk food, I would walk to the store, thirty minutes away, and pick up more. I didn’t care what the weather was like, and would sometimes bring back enough junk food for a family of four for a month, and consume it in a week. two large cases of pop, four bags of chips, half a dozen chocolate bars, and bags of various candy. I would consume it so fast that I had to sneak out a garbage bag full of wrappers, cans and containers every month.

Of course, my weight then started to rise fairly rapidly, as I wasn’t really using up any of these extra calories, and my sedentary lifestyle became more sedentary as my wife went back to University.

The Shock

After being caught for the third time, my wife was absolutely furious. She didn’t understand why I felt the need to hide all of this from her, and I finally broke down and told her it was because I didn’t want her to realize how much I was consuming.

We had a long heart to heart over the whole thing, and we decided that we both need to be more vigilant in making sure I work on this issue. I am sure there are psychological issues regarding this that I should work out at some point, but that doesn’t seem too possible/plausible at this point, financially.

I bought some dumb bells to do basic exercises at my desk while watching videos, or reading through my e-mails and RSS feeds. We organized some free time to make sure I could go to the gym, and we also decided that the best way to help control these cravings and binge eating habits would be to work on them slowly.

No Denying Food Cravings

I am no denying my food cravings, but I am learning how to deal with them responsibly. I don’t stop myself from eating that chocolate bar, but I do ask myself if I want that chocolate bar because I am hungry. I haven’t binged out on junk food since then. While I still eat much more candy and sugary products than I should, it is no where near as bad as it once was.

My Weight

My weight though is still higher than it has ever been. Just a week ago, I weighed in at 271lbs. I never thought I would let it get so bad. Things that used to fit me comfortably, no longer do. I am already working harder on trying to scale that back, and have been down around the 265lbs range since seeing that scary number.

I still need to get it further down. My original goal still exists. I still want to be closer to 200 than 300 pounds, but how long will it take me to get there? Can I make the sacrifices, and how can I learn to have a better sense of willpower, control, and create a better work/life balance?

My Inspiration and Challenge

I have people in my life that are inspiring me to loose weight, and the biggest inspiration right now is Tom Leroux, a friend of mine from Ottawa, who has come out and challenged me as part of his own weight loss journey. You can read about that on his blog Leroux.ca, and check out the conversations and pictures on Flickr as well as Twitter mentions under the hash tag #25lbs.

Other people inspiring me and pushing me forward include my wife, Tracey (Tom’s wife) and Jeremy Wright.

I want to give a second to talk about Jeremy Wright’s weight loss journey because I think his lifestyle closely mimics my own in many respects, and yet he has found a way, even with his busy life and schedule to make time to get healthy. His messages on Twitter about what he is doing are very inspirational to me, and gives me a stronger sense that my goals are possible.

My Goals

So my goal today is to get from the 267 pounds I weighed in at today, down to 242 pounds as part of the 25 Pound Challenge. I hope to do that between today and February 2nd, 2009. Who is with us? Join the challenge over on Leroux.ca and let’s all support each other going forward.